One of the most practical gurus in the small group space is Joel Comiskey. I’m a huge fan of his. I subscribe to his blog. This morning he unveiled some information vital to the health of a small group… how to confront when confrontation is necessary. Check out his five guidelines for confrontation.
1. Ask for permission
You might say, : “Jane, can I have permission to share with you something I’m seeing about your life?” This is so important because people feel slighted if we barge in on them and tell them our ”expert knowledge.” By asking permission before you bring up a problem or concern, you increase the respect your members/leaders feel for you. You’re placing the control where it belongs—in the hands of the person. Asking permission is especially important when the issue is unusually intimate or potentially uncomfortable for the person.
2. Consider timing (this is the area I needed to work on in talking with the brother)
3. Confront ASAP (that is, talk about the matter when it’s still fresh; don’t wait until it’s no longer relevant)
3. Separate the person from the wrong action
4. Avoid words like always and never
5. Affirm him or her as a person and a friend
P.S. If you’re not subscribing to Joel’s blog, you might want to consider it.