Interesting Posts for Your Thursday Perusal

Lots of discussion on Can Christians Celebrate Halloween? over at Without Wax

Thoughts on Marriage from Mary at Giving Up on Perfect. What keeps a couple together or drives them to divorce?

Do you trust freely? Anne Jackson writes that Trust is Not a Two-Way Street.

How to Eat an Elephant–a 7-year-old’s method to reading through the Bible. (She did! The whole thing! Have you?)

Receiving the Kingdom of God Like a Child by Jessica from The Mom Creative

Enjoy! What’s the best post you’ve read recently?

 

My Testimony, So Far

sometimes, you have to wait

I used to think I had a boring testimony. I grew up with wonderful, Christian parents. I walked the aisle when I was about 10 after having a strong call to missions. Unlike many of the people I knew from youth group, I never really wavered from my faith. I had doubts, sure, who doesn’t? But there’s never been a time I did not believe there was a God who cared about me. I didn’t rebel. I have often asked my parents what they DID to me to make me not want to be bad? They don’t know. I wish they did!

While Mr. V and I have never had tons of money, we’ve always had enough. We never went through a period where we had to eat ramen noodles. We’ve never argued significantly. While we went through a short period of infertility, it was not too awful. We’ve had a very happy five years and have a beautiful, healthy daughter.

At Thanksgiving, when Mr. V still had no job interviews lined up for January, I remember thinking, “Well, we’ve not had any hard times in our marriage so far. Maybe this is it.”

And it is.

Not that our marriage is not wonderful, but situationally it has just been a difficult nine months.

Mr. V applied for many college teaching positions–many much closer to our parents–and got not one interview. We felt so desperate. He then applied to many private high schools in Nashville. He had one interview. They hired someone else the next day.

But God had something better planned for us. Through the Southern Teachers Agency, a very prestigious school pursued him and hired him almost immediately (one MUCH better than the one he interviewed at here).

We had always assumed we would be moving after five years. And then we thought, hey, maybe we won’t have to! And then, ooh, yep, we do. So our house didn’t go on the market until the second week of June and Mr. V needed to be in Chattanooga middle of August.

Needless to say, it hasn’t sold. We’ve had a small handful of showings and nothing to show for it except a pretty clean house containing a lonely mother and her ten-month-old baby.

I want so, so badly for our house to sell so I can quit my job, go be a stay-at-home mom and freelancer, and be with Mr. V in Chattanooga. I let that get to me. A LOT! It’s a daily struggle to not whine continuously and wonder why on earth God would be “doing this to me.”

I can’t tell you how many Sunday School lessons and sermons I’ve heard on patience in the last few months. (This morning, visiting a church in Chattanooga, included.) And Mr. V and I believe it when God promises He will work all things for good. That He has a plan for us. That to Him, one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day.

We’re convinced that God will move me and Libbie to Chattanooga at the exact right time for His plan. Maybe there is a reason I need to be here. Maybe there is a reason I need to move there at some particular time. Either way, we are 100% sure God will allow it to happen in His time if we listen to His Word and obey. Bemoaning all the time I have to be apart from Mr. V does no good. I need to relish God’s plan and delight myself in Him.

Perhaps it’s all a big lesson in patience, faith, and God’s timing. Something I need to learn. And if this is the way for God to knock it into my thick head, I’m OK with that. Because I believe He loves me. Just like sometimes I need to tell Libbie “no” for her own good, sometimes He needs to say, “Not now, dear one. Wait.”

Originally published at Vanderbilt Wife

 

Love Your Neighbor

I’m really, really busy today. So I thought I’d just throw out some great posts I’ve read recently for you to peruse. (Mostly ones I’ve shared on Google Reader--I LOOOVE that thing!)

Keeping It Real, a post on being genuine in the midst of struggles, from Stacy.

Say It Out Loud, on useless conversations in our heads, from Laura.

Breathe On Me, from one of my best blogging friends, OhAmanda.

Legalism Vs. Authenticity, from a real-life friend, Scott.

Scars, from the very fabulous Amy Beth, who has just returned from Egypt

Read anything good lately you’d like to share with the Gypsy Road readers? Or have you written a good post on themes we deal with here? I’d love to see it!

 

Free to Be Me

As I was coming home from the gym last night (and yes, it’s the first time in months I’ve been able to say that. I swam some during my pregnancy, but that was it. It’s one of my bigger regrets and next pregnancy I will try to stay more in shape. Not that I was in shape in the first place.)

Um, where was I?

Oh, yes. I was driving home last night, feeling a throbbing pain on the back of my left heel. I’d worn my ankle brace because I have this tendency to hurt myself, particularly at the Y. My ankle is still healing up from its last sprain and I really did not care to wipe out on the treadmill in front of those bodybuilding guys who I am SURE are always laughing at how fat and out-of-shape I am.

I am an Observer by nature, and although I spent my time on the treadmill watching Good Eats (really, WHO watches Food Network while working out? I’m an idiot), I was also watching those around me. The guy beside me holding onto the side rails of his treadmill and doing a funny walk. The skinny elliptical girls. In my plain sight were two girls doing stretches and ab exercises on floor mats–and taking breaks to text on their phones. (Texting kinda baffles me. I don’t feel the need to be that connected to people, I guess.)

Anyway, the drive home. Right. I was annoyed at myself for wearing a blister into my heel. Earlier last night, I looked down at my foot and said, “I’m bleeding.” I didn’t know how it happened. I’m constantly noticing bruises on my legs from unknown sources. I fall down. I guess I’m just a klutz.

I wondered, driving, what it would be like to be somebody who did not do these things. Someone “cool.” Maybe an elliptical girl, skinny–which I have never been–and someone who doesn’t go to bed at 9 p.m., doesn’t feel like she always wears the wrong thing to work, and doesn’t randomly hurt herself on a consistent basis.

Really, most of the time, I’m OK with being plain old awkward me. I just wonder what’s it like to be on the other side. Do you know? Maybe nobody thinks they’re cool. Maybe everyone deals with the same sense of insecurity.

I’m learning. Learning to be me. Learning that it’s not so bad after all. My husband loves me the way I am, all kinds of crazy and everything. Libbie seems to like me (or at least my, ahem, chest). I have great friends, wonderful family, all who don’t seem to run away when I come near them. And most of all, I have a Father who seems to adore me no matter how much I screw up. In fact, He promises it.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Photo courtesy of Garrison Photo via Stock Exchange

This post was originally published at Vanderbilt Wife, May 2009.

 

Difficult Doctrinal Issues… What do I say to my small group members?

Last week Kris posted a blogpost that included this video. This spawned some serious questions for those of us who are small group leaders, people in the trenches leading Christ followers who sincerely want to know what the truth is.

I’m wondering… Small group leader, what do you think you should tell a group member when he or she has been willing to and sincerely has “wrestled” with doctrinal issues that are debatable. Unlike homosexuality which we are given a very blatant perspective on in Scripture. issues like Calvinism vs. Arminianism is more perplexing. What do we say to a group member when he/she has journied into these waters but were unable to honestly, down deep in his/her being come to a conclusion? The insinuation of the conversation here is that you must choose one or the other and if you don’t you’ve been unwilling to go the mat, too lazy to wrestle with the issue.

And to make it even more perplexing… The group member may be struggling to come to a conclusion concerning a doctrinal issue that is still being debated within his/her own denomination. This friend is confused realizing that scholars in his/her own religious classification can’t even agree on the issue. Like the denominational leadership, no bottom line is settling into the heart of the group member.  They’re not scholars and they have no passion for becoming one. Most likely, they have never heard of “the law of non-contradiction.” If they did they might ask some interesting questions…

• Must I wrestle with “the law of non-contradiction” too?
• Do I have to say I’ve come to a conclusion even if my heart is still struggling with this issue?
• Do I lie to myself and others and say I believe something even though I don’t so that I fit into someone else’s belief box and become 100% acceptable in my circle of Christian relationship?

What if they say to you…,

• I can live with the inner tension realizing God can think in dimensions that I cannot and still be content.
• What if they remind you that Deut. 29:29 points out that God has secrets? Should you push that small group member to come to a doctrinal bottom line?
• What if they say to you, “I really don’t care about stuff like this.”?

How would you respond to a small group member if he/she were wrestling with a debatable doctrinal issue? Would love to learn from you!

Deut. 29:29
    The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.

 

Sproul, Mohler, and Zacharias Discuss Emergent Movement, Postmodernism

Check out this provocative discussion with Ravi Zacharias, R.C. Sproul, and Albert Mohler on an issue that is splitting local churches, polarizing denominations, and in some ways being used by God as a course correction for the church.

 

Small Group Pastors… Build Your Own Blog Now!

Blogging offers the Small Groups Minister an amazing opportunity to connect with her/his small group leaders.

1. It’s a way to communicate information on an ongoing basis. In fact, instantly. (If your group leaders “subscribe,” each time you post they will receive an e-mail.
2. A blog allows you to personalize training. Your leaders can go to other blogs and websites but, when they see your picture and see words written by you (or a video of you or a visual you’ve chosen to download and imbed in your blogpost, etc…) someone they know and respect, they are much more prone to consider the information. 3) A blog gives you the opportunity to infuse your leaders with ideas daily which will help to create a small group environment, not just a small group ministry.

One of my closest friends is the small groups pastor at First Baptist Church, Smyrna, Tennessee, Eddie Mosley. He’s our guest blogger today. Check out one of his posts. He created this specifically for the small group leaders at his church.:

We have all been there. in life, in sports, in career, in relationships, we all move through this process. When we are new to something, most (not all, there are those risky jumpers who take life by the horns and run. ) but most of us step slowly and move in a little deeper as time goes by….that is the subject for today… how to develop someone to take your place in ministry. Saddleback includes this idea in their training series ”Don’t Lead Alone”

We have put together a 3 minute video to help you understand how to implement the Crawl-Walk-Run

I learned this apprenticing thing long ago from a man named Peddidle Kelly. Peddidle was my first manager when I was in retail. He taught me things like: lack of communication causes wars and always try to work yourself out of a job because one day you will want to move on and someone here needs to know what you know. Little did I know that 30 years later my ministry position would live or die on his words – apprentice and communicate!!!

Who are you apprenticing? Why not try these three simple steps over the next two or three months?

Eddie is a fantastic trainer (he’ll be leading sessions at all four Saddleback Small Group Conferences in 2009) and is also an outstanding church consultant. You may want to give him a call.

Creating a blog is not hard to do. Just go to www.wordpress.com. It will walk you through the process. If you’re like me and it’s a bit more challenging for you, just ask a teenager in your church to help you out. They’ll have you up and running in just a few hours. And it’s FREE!!!

 

“Simple Small Groups” by Bill Search… GREAT BOOK!

Sometimes a book title blindsides me. This one did. Let’s see if the title of this book ambushes your imagination like it did mine…. Simple Small Groups. Having read every book on small groups I can get my hands on, I’m pretty numb to new book titles. I’m even more concerned that the next book on small groups will be more of the same old, same old, another tweaking of Carl George’s, meta-model. Not this time. I grabbed the book immediately and I wasn’t disappointed with the intent or the content. Bill Search, the team leader for Community Groups at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky (by the way… this is a church averaging 18,000 in attendance each weekend), has composed an symphony, a strategy that gets all the instruments of small group life in sync with one another. And you don’t need to hold a doctorate in small group leadership in order to conduct the band. The outcome (if all Bill suggests is as functional as he says it is and I believe it’s possible since it is so SIMPLE) has to be amazing!

Bill simply states that a small group should give attention to three things… Connect, Change, and Cultivate. He defines each: “Connecting is growing a sense of connection with an identified group of people. Changing is the spiritual and relational renovation that transforms us into the likeness of Christ. Cultivating is the missional lifestyle. He then goes on to tell you how you and your group can make all three of these things happen in… simple terms.

If you’re a traditional small groups aficionado like myself you’ll be stretched as Bill gives permission for groups to feel no pressure to become intimate friends. A few excerpts… “… we don’t have to share the deepest, darkest parts of ourselves to truly connect.” and “If I could change one thing about small groups as they are currently practiced, it would be the expectations that members will become close friends.” Just maybe Bill has raised reality above idealism. You need to get the book and decide for yourself. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

I would really like to hear from you. If you’ve read the book and have opinions, please post them here. Or maybe you’re concerned about the ideas that are revealed in the two sentences from Simple Small Groups I’ve quoted. I would really like to know if you agree or disagree with his assumption concerning small groups and intimacy.

 

Small Group Member’s “Emotional Evolution”… Movement Toward Authentic Community!

There’s nothing quite as exhilerating as being in a small group when every person is completely sold out to the other group members yet are honored as important individuals. That is, each person is singing her/his part, all the parts are equally important, and the song is in tune. At this point a group will experience it’s own group personality, being one without losing ones self. At this point the group will exhibit life-giving synergy. This kind of synergy can only be experienced when each person in the group is moving forward in his/her own personal journey toward deeper levels of connection, what I call “emotional evolution.” 

  

Most of us have had the unsettling feeling, almost panic, of entering a new small group for the first time. If you haven’t been the new guy or girl in an already established group, you most likely have had the experience of being at the first meeting of a newly formed group. You’ve experienced the first group meeting jitters (for some… anxiety). It is painfully obvious early on that the goal of deep connectedness cannot be reached immediately.

 

God made us in such a way that progressive intimacy is part of our makeup. The term progressive intimacy simply means that our level of intimacy with one another is progressive, moving from minute to amazingly deep over a period of time.  Each of us goes through various stages. So that you can understand the process your group members are progressing through I’ve outlined my perception of this process below.

 

Stage One… Invitation (honored to be part of the group)

Stage Two… Expectation (prior to first meeting emotions arise concerning possibilities for group experience and group relationships.)

Stage Three… Intimidation (new people, new surroundings, need to be loved and accepted overwhelmed by what seems to be the depth of spiritual lifestyles of others)

Stage Four… Inhibition (inhibited because people still don’t know if this is a safe haven or a dangerous relational jungle)

Stage Five… Exploration (exploring their place in the group)

Stage Six… Evaluation (Mental exercise asking questions vital to the individual. Who am I in this group? Do I really fit in? Are these people really accepting me? Do I really accept them?)

Stage Seven… Actualization (An accepting of my role in this group, the people in this group, the leader of the group, etc…) This group does have the shared goal, like passion, and sincerity of heart to see God act that I do.)

Stage Eight… Reconciliation (I know and accept my place in this community of believers, trust them to know my needs and respond, trust them to keep conversations confidential. We are Christian community with like goals and callings. I am reconciled to living the principles espoused in the group covenant.) 

Stage Nine… Exhibition (Because I have learned this is a safe environment and because I have concluded that I am accepted here and that I am a person of worth to these people, and because deep in my heart I realize I am part of this community, I can exhibit the real me.)

Stage Ten… Elation (there is no place I’d rather be. Being me is fun, exciting, and relaxing. I am elated to spend time in this environment.)

 Please know, the length of time an individual is in each of these stages will differ from person to person. Also, some people will skip various stages and move directly to the next. Some will get stuck in a stage and never choose to move forward unless prompted to do so by a life experience, conversation/conversations with a group member, or a planned activity like a retreat or the group being on mission together. And others will go forward then some experience (someone breaks a confidence, attacks them publicly or behind his/her back, etc…) with a group member or the entire group will force them backward and it will be necessity for them to relive prior stages.

 

Small group leader… Know where each of your group members are living and help them move through the stages of “emotional evolution.” It will be worth it!

 

 

Planning Your Small Group Meeting in Minutes… Russ Robinson

If you’re a church planter, you know how difficult training small group leaders can be. Getting everyone together is nearly impossible, not to mention how busy your schedule is. If you need to help your leaders know how to plan a meeting in a matter of minutes, there is a way.

This weekend I had the opportunity to attend small group leader training. That’s right. Even though I train small group leaders myself I still attend the training others are doing. I learn an immense amount of information and add new tools to my own small group leader tool box every time I do.

 This weekend I learned from one of the best, Russ Robinson. I had seen Russ from a distance as I had attended Willow Creek Association small group conferences for years but had never had a chance to get up close and personal with him. I am indebted to First Baptist Church, Weston Florida and the Florida Baptist Convention for making that possible. Friday night before Saturday’s training event a cluster of people the size of a small group gathered around a table for dinner. For over two hours Russ answered questions. The questions ranged from handling awkward small group meeting moments to how to, with wisdom and sensitivity to the church a pastor leads, move your church toward change. Having been a small group leader, a small group pastor, an elder, a senior pastor, and presently a layman (Russ is a successful attorney) giving his life to his local church, Willow Creek Community Church, he has perspectives and understandings few will ever acquire. Not only is he one of the most diverse church leaders in the training world today, Russ is also an author having co-authored three small group books, Building a Church of Small Groups: Place Where No One Stands Alone,  Walking the Small Group Tightrope: Meeting the Challenges Every Group Faces, and The Seven Deadly Sins of Small Group Ministry: A Troubleshooting Guide for Church Leaders. All three of these outstanding books were co-authored with Bill Donahue. Russ loves small groups (Watch the video and hear him tell why he loves them so much.)!

 Russ has one of the most concise and effective ways to plan a meeting of anyone I’ve seen. He suggests that, when planning your meeting, you focus on goals over content. In order to do so, when preparing for the meeting, simply answer four questions, each related to a different aspect of the human experience, Head, Heart, Hands, Homework.  After answering these four questions determine what you will do to accomplish what has been determined.

During the training event, Russ gave us time to answer these questions. We chose a passage of scripture and were asked to prepare for a small group meeting. In three minutes almost everyone in the room had created a small group meeting that would be transforming. That’s right, in three minutes you could create the best meeting you’ve ever had by answering four simple questions. What are these four amazing questions? Here you go…

 Head: What do I want my group to know?  

Heart: What do I want my group to feel?

Hands: What do I want my group to do?

Homework: What do I want my group to plan?

 Give it a try and let me know how it goes for you!

P.S. If you’re a church planter and want to find out how to do small groups effectively and also hear from some of the most highly renowned church planters and small groups leaders in the country, come join us at Exponential, April 20 – 23, 2009 in Orlando, Florida.