So I get a post on my facebook page last night from a good friend of mine named Roy. It seems Roy was surfing facebook last night and saw Jennifer who served with HisLife Ministries at the same time he did. Not only that but Jennifer’s roommate during this time, Rachel, would later become Roy’s wife. Isn’t that what facebook is all about, bringing the world closer together and reconnecting friends? Well here’s the kicker, as Roy read up to see what was going on in Jennifer’s life, he noticed the picture of the guy she’s married to looked strangely familiar…just like a guy named Jon that Roy had been in BSF with for 3 years. Roy’s first thought was maybe Jon had a brother…but living in Nashville too, no way. As it turns out, Jennifer IS married to Jon, the same Jon that spent 3 years with Roy in a men’s Bible study. So here’s my question, how can these guys spend 3 years together and NEVER know that their wives were roommates?? How many Bible studies have I been in that I didn’t learn anything about another person’s life and they learned nothing about mine. My heart tells me it happens far too often, that our idea of “community” becomes nothing more than a contemporary “Cheers” - a place where everybody knows your name…but not much else.
A few years ago, the guys at Serendipity launched out on a journey where we refused to settle for anything less than redemptive community. That’s a BIG difference from just the kind of community where you know someone’s name. Redemptive community is where you do life together…really. Where you integrate all aspects of yourself - your professional life, your spiritual life, your emotional life, etc. You don’t walk into the office and leave your emotions at the door. It’s expected that you bring the full weight of who you are every day and get called out if you’re posing. By the way, a group known as the Samson Society created by Nate Larkin was also crucial in helping me understand what authenticity really meant.
So this is really at the heart of what The Gypsy Road is meant to be in my eyes, to unveil the need for redemptive community and invite a fellowship to join us as we journey to more fully understand and more boldly embrace this core desire.
I hope you’ll come back often as the dialog will be rich and your story and your experiences will make it all the richer.
June 27, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Point taken. You’re also making me confront another reality. Am I more willing to learn about someone’s life 3rd-party? Through an intermediary? Can Facebook tell me all I want to know about someone, without the effort and investment of conversation or getting involved in their life? I guess the tool that’s helping to connect me can also enable me to remain distant, safe, and disconnected. Thanks, Phil. The wounds of a friend…right?
June 27, 2008 at 9:51 pm
You’re hitting right on the potential weakness for the whole social networking explosion…it’s easy to be connected, but only at a “virtual” level. If we don’t discipline ourselves to be in authentic, redemptive community, all of our relationships can develop this digital dynamic that keeps us “distant, safe, and disconnected.” Well said Jon, this is an issue we all have to deal with on one level or another.
Of course there is a tremendous upside to social networking. I lost touch with my college roommate and found him on Facebook. It’s great to hear about his life, see his family, and connect with him on some level. But some will end up just watching what friends are doing and not interacting with them. I call this being a “Virtual Voyeur”, which might deserve a post of it’s own.
June 28, 2008 at 1:23 am
My experience has been that Bible Study alone does not = community. Bible Study + real life honesty, transparency, not “when we or when they’s…” but with the real life “when I’s” are combined with study and the “will you walk with me in or out of this?” Then is when the truth of Scripture and transformation by Jesus occurs and that has equaled real community in my experience.
Honest, Dorm room discussion plus Bible Study=community.
It must include real pain, gut-hurting laughter, honesty with trauma, honesty about my sin, honesty about how hard cancer or divorce or parenting is or how mine were. It is celebration in the journey. It is honesty about faithfulness, honesty about successes and feelings and facts. Truth sharing regarding self reliance. It is Life on Life exposure to my friends.
My church Bible Study identity without shared life can be likened to Brad Paiseley’s song about “being so much cooler on-line”. Throw around a little Greek and Hebrew and a John MacArthur commentary or Sprouls thoughts, and I am suddenly thrust into not much more than knowledge and fancy exploratory words - Unless I start live it or share how I am not living and need help to the person next to me.
The heart has to be exposed to have real community. I too have learned from Samson Society and the sharing in my Men’s Fraternity Group. That is life on life honesty in light of the truth of scripture. Either out of balance can leave me empty and just end up being words.
Recovering Poser -
June 30, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Thanks for the thoughts David. I really appreciate your comment that “the heart has to be exposed” because it requires vulnerability and when we are vulnerable, we lose control allowing the full weight of our story to be heard. When we delve below the surface of the heart and allow real exposure, a level of self-awareness occurs that provides an opportunity for deep healing.